I see it, you stand before a funeral guestbook, pen shaking in hand, and your mind goes blank. Everyone is waiting behind me. And yet… nothing comes. Not because you didn’t care, but because how do you put love and loss into one small box of lines?
If you’ve ever felt that freeze, you’re not alone. The right words don’t always show up when you need them most. But even a short, sincere condolence message can bring real comfort.
This guide isn’t about finding the perfect phrase. It’s about helping you write with heart to honour a loved one, support the bereaved, and show up when it matters most.
🗝️ Key takeaways
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Writing in a book of condolence doesn’t have to be perfect – just sincere.
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A short condolence message can help someone feel seen in their sorrow.
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Use memories, quotes, or personal stories to make your tribute meaningful.
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The goal isn’t to fix grief, but to stand beside it with compassion and care.
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A tool like the Meminto Memorial Book can preserve memories beyond a single page.
📝 15 examples of what to write in a book of condolence
When words fail, a simple note in a condolence book can still mean a lot. It’s a quiet way to be there for someone who’s sad and to remind them that they’re not alone, even when they’re sad.
Your message mustn’t be perfect, whether you’re writing as a friend, colleague, or neighbour. It just has to be kind.
I wish I had a list like this the first time I went to a funeral. So this is what I’ve learned from living, not from a guidebook.
1. Show that you care
There aren’t always perfect words when someone dies. People don’t want you to find the right words; they just want to know that their grief is being seen and respected.
💬 I can still remember the first time I wrote in a condolence book. I stared at the page for a long time, not sure what would be enough. In the end, what mattered most was a simple line. Later, the family told me that those few words meant more than they could say.
Even the shortest note in a condolence book or on a memorial page can bring some peace. It’s not about taking away their pain; it’s about standing next to it.
[Key] Examples:
“I’m very sorry for your loss. My heart is with you right now.” “Thinking of you and making room for your grief.” “Words don’t seem like enough, but please know I care and I’m here.” “Sending you comfort and peace as you get through this tough time.” “Keeping you in my heart; grief shared is grief eased.” [/key]
2. Share quotes or poems that mean something
When we’re sad, we want to say something. And sometimes, we don’t have the right words.
💬 I remember reading a poem in a condolence book. I didn’t think much of it at the time. But those words came back to me weeks later when I needed them most. That’s the quiet strength of poetry and thoughts about loss.
You don’t have to write long paragraphs. A single line can bring lasting comfort. A favorite quote, a line from a poem, or a piece of scripture can all tell the grieving person that they’re not alone in this.
“We can never lose what we once enjoyed and loved deeply, because everything we love deeply becomes a part of us.” – Helen Keller. People we love never really go away. Death can’t touch everything.” – J.K. Rowling “Love costs us grief.” – Queen Elizabeth II “To live on in the hearts of those we leave behind is not to die.” – Thomas Campbell “Out of sight, but never out of mind.” [Key] If you want to learn more about how poetry can help you deal with painful memories, check out this resource.
3. Think about the good things about the person who died
Think about what made this person stand out. It might not be their titles or accomplishments that people remember about them, but how they made them feel, a small act of kindness, or a little habit.
Their kindness:
“She always had a quiet strength and a smile that could make any day better.”
“She was always kind, but it was never loud. Around her, the world seemed softer.”
Their sense of humor:
“Everyone who met your dad remembered how warm and funny he was.”
“He could make people laugh even when things were hard. I’ll always remember that.”
How generous they were:
“I’ll always remember how generous he was with his time. He never made anyone feel like a burden.”
What made them strong:
“He had a way of making people feel important. That’s a very special gift.” [Key]
You might get some ideas from these 50 important questions to ask your parents before they die. They can help you figure out what memories to include and how to ask.
All the stories and memories of your beloved who have passed…
The Memorial Book.
A book that accompanies you through the grieving process and truly helps.
4. Share your condolences as a group
A message from a group brings its own comfort. It lets the person who’s grieving know that they’re not alone and that others are going through the same thing.
💬 Once, I helped my team write a note to a coworker whose father had died. We kept it simple, but seeing all the signatures reminded him of all the people who cared. The group voice mattered more than the words.
[Key] Some examples:
“Please know that everyone at the office is thinking of you.” “We were all heartbroken to hear the news. We’re all sending you love and strength.” “Your neighbors are thinking of you and are ready to help you with anything you need.” “The whole team is grieving with you. We’re very sorry for your loss.” “We’re all very sad. Please know that you’re not alone.” [/key]
5. Share your own memories
Writing about a memory of the person who died is one of the most powerful things you can do in a condolence book. It brings the person back into the room for a moment, which helps the family remember how their loved one made other people feel.
It doesn’t have to be a big story. The little things that happen to us stick with us. I still remember how my friend’s dad would greet everyone at the door with a big smile and a joke. Those small things are what make someone unforgettable.
When you share a personal experience, you help keep those moments alive. Even a short memory can help you heal. If you want to go deeper or help someone tell a more complete story, check out these tips for writing a life story.
“I’ll always remember how she made everyone feel welcome as soon as they walked in.” “He was the kind of person who made you feel like you mattered. That will always stay with me.” “She had a quiet way of making people feel better. I was lucky to have known her.” “The last time we talked, he gave me advice that I still use. He made a difference.” “I remember how happy she used to be when she talked about her family. That warmth will always be with me.”
6. Be there for them and offer help
A lot of people feel surrounded at first when they lose someone, but the days that follow can feel very empty. That’s why it’s important to let someone know that you’ll still be there for them after the service.
💬 A few years ago, a close friend told me that the messages that meant the most to her after her brother died weren’t the ones that gave her advice. They were just simple notes that said, “I’m here.” Those quiet offers can sometimes get someone through the worst days.
You don’t have to make any big promises. Just let them know you’re there.
“I’m just a phone call away. Anytime, for anything.” “I’m here if you need someone to talk to or just sit with.” “You don’t have to do this by yourself. I’ll be here.” “I think of you every day. If you need anything, please let me know.” “Don’t feel like you have to talk, but I’m here if you want to.”
7. Accept that grief is hard
Grief is never a straight line. Some days are easy, while others hit you like a wave. Knowing that an emotional rollercoaster ride without rushing them through it can be a quiet way to show you care. People sometimes just need to know that they can feel what they feel without being judged.
You don’t have to make their pain go away. Just saying that it’s hard and that it’s okay to be hard is a powerful thing to do.
[Key] Some examples are:
“I can’t believe how heavy this is.” Take as long as you need.
“There is no right way to mourn.” It’s fine to have bad days.
“Losing someone you love changes everything.” I’m very sorry.
It’s okay if today seems impossible. “One breath at a time.”
“Be kind to yourself.” It’s not easy, and it’s okay to not be okay. [/key]
8. Share hopes for healing and peace
When words feel limited, a gentle wish for peace can bring more comfort than advice ever could. These messages don’t promise quick healing or brush aside the pain, but they make room for the possibility of brighter days ahead.
💬 After my aunt passed, I remember how one message stood out. It didn’t say “stay strong” or “time heals all.” It simply said, “Wishing you small moments of peace each day.” In the hardest weeks that followed, that line gave me permission to feel both grief and hope.
“Wishing you moments of peace in the days ahead.” “May your heart find rest, even in the middle of this pain.” “I hope in time, your memories bring more comfort than sorrow.” “Sending you strength and softness as you grieve.” “May healing find you in the quietest moments.”
9. Use religious or spiritual comfort (if appropriate)
Faith can anchor grief, reassuring that this loss isn’t the end. For spiritual or religious people, messages grounded in belief can feel like a lifeline. They remind us of presence, eternity, or divine comfort.
💬 When my friend’s mother passed, many people sent well-meaning messages. But the one that brought her the most comfort was a simple prayer. She later said, “I didn’t need advice in those early days. I just needed to feel that God was with me.”
If you know the grieving person’s faith and beliefs, messages like these can bring deep peace. But it’s just as important to avoid religious language if you’re unsure. For some, it may not bring comfort. In that case, a simple note of presence is often more welcome.
“May God’s love surround you and bring you peace.” “You’re in my prayers during this time of sorrow.” “Their soul rests now, safe and whole in God’s hands.” “Trusting that divine comfort will hold you when words can’t.” “Heaven has gained a precious soul.”
10. Acknowledge the legacy left behind
Some lives leave quiet marks, while others leave legacies that ripple across generations. Whether big or small, a person’s imprint matters. Speaking about their lasting impact reminds the family that their loved one’s story doesn’t end with death.
💬 When my former teacher passed, the condolence book at the service contained stories of how she had shaped lives. One parent wrote, “Because of her, my daughter found her voice.” It’s a powerful reminder that even when someone is no longer here, the ways they’ve touched others will carry on.
“We turned my brother’s handwritten poetry book into a beautiful memoir after his passing and printed 75 copies. Meminto’s support was outstanding!”
- Steven, USA, via meminto.com
For many grieving families, knowing their loved one will be remembered beyond this moment brings a quiet sense of comfort. It turns loss into legacy and reminds them that their person’s story continues through those they inspired.
“Their kindness lives on in everyone they touched.” “The values they stood for will continue through all of us.” “They left a mark that time can’t erase.” “Even in their absence, their influence remains.” “Their story continues in the lives they helped shape.”
Capture their life stories and memories before it’s too late.
Lost a loved one? Keep their memories alive.
11. Use gentle and respectful language
In moments of grief, how something is said matters as much as what is said. Your message should feel soft, thoughtful, and full of care. Even if you’re unsure what to write, gentle language helps make sure your words bring comfort instead of unintentional hurt.
💬 After a loss in our extended family, one message stood out for the wrong reason. It began with “At least she lived a long life.” Though meant kindly, it felt dismissive in the rawness of fresh grief. This is why tone matters so much. Even a well-meaning message can unintentionally cause more pain if phrased insensitively.
Avoid anything too casual, overly philosophical, or dismissive. Grief is raw. What people often need is kindness, not answers. A few words offered with softness and respect will always land better than trying to explain away their pain.
“Thinking of you with heartfelt sympathy.” “Wishing you peace during this incredibly difficult time.” “Holding your family close in my thoughts.” “With deepest respect and condolences.” “May your heart find some rest in the love that surrounds you.”
12. Recognize the uniqueness of the relationship
Every loss is personal, and so is every relationship. A message reflecting that unique connection, whether between parent and child, grandparent and grandchild, mentor and student, or dear friends, feels more meaningful than a generic note.
💬 I’ve often seen that when people take a moment to name the person they lost to the one grieving, the message resonates more deeply. It honors the person lost and the unique bond they shared, which often shapes the depth of the loss.
“Your mother was a guiding light, not just to you, but to everyone around her.” “He wasn’t just a boss. He was a mentor and a friend to so many of us.” “Losing a sibling is losing a piece of your childhood. I hope your memories bring comfort.” “She was more than a neighbor. She was family in every way that mattered.” “Your bond was rare and beautiful. I know how deeply this loss must be felt.”
13. Encourage sharing memories
When loss is still fresh, even the happiest memories can feel tender. Yet those stories that bring smiles through tears often become the most cherished reminders of the person who’s gone.
💬 I’ve found that grieving families welcome the chance to talk about their loved one, but sometimes they’re waiting for permission. A gentle nudge can make all the difference. A simple line like, “I’d love to hear more stories about him when you’re ready,” can open that door and invite them to remember with love, not just sorrow.
A Funny or Lighthearted Memory:
Something They Always Said or Did:
A Lesson That Stuck With You:
The Way They Made People Feel:
Learn about tools that help in collecting and preserving family memories.
14. Offer words of comfort for children or young people
When a child or teenager experiences loss, the world can feel confusing and unfair. Their grief often looks different from that of adults, and they may not have the words to express it.
If the condolence book is read by or dedicated to a younger person, keep your message simple, warm, and reassuring. Offer comfort without overexplaining. Even a short note can help them feel seen and supported.
In my experience, children often remember the feeling of being cared for more than the exact words said to them. A gentle message that speaks to their level, without trying to explain the loss, can stay with them long after the service is over.
“Your grandma loved you so much. That love will always stay with you.” “He may not be here anymore, but the stories and memories you have of him will always be part of your heart.” “You’re surrounded by people who care about you. We’re all here for you.” “It’s okay to feel sad, confused, or even angry. You’re not alone.” “I know this is a hard time, but you’re strong, and you’re deeply loved.”
15. Acknowledge the impact on the community
Some people leave a mark that goes far beyond their family. They touch neighbors, colleagues, congregations, or entire communities. When someone like that passes away, the grief is shared by many.
If the person meant something to the larger group, it’s worth acknowledging. Your message can reflect how deeply they were valued, how their presence made a difference, and how their absence will be felt.
In many services I’ve attended, the words that resonate most speak to a life lived outwardly, not just within the family. Reminding the grieving that their loved one mattered to many can bring a sense of quiet pride alongside the sorrow.
A Neighborhood Presence:
A Community Volunteer or Leader:
A Mentor or Guide:
Someone Who Made Places Feel Like Home:
🌹 Final thoughts
Writing in a condolence book isn’t about finding the perfect words. It’s about showing up with care. Even a short message can bring more comfort than you think.
Use these examples as a starting point, but let your heart lead. A simple memory, a kind thought, or a quiet “I’m here” can mean the world to someone grieving.
“We started a Meminto when my mother was still alive and we made a lot of audio recordings. Now I listen to it from the book every time I miss her. The Meminto team has faithfully helped for over a year. It was fun!”
- Barbara, Germany, via meminto.com
If you’re ready to create something meaningful and lasting, the Meminto memorial book is a gentle way to honor a life and preserve the stories that matter most.
You might also find comfort and creative inspiration in these 8 memory book ideas for deceased loved ones – whether you’re gathering photos, letters, or favorite memories into a tribute.
We appreciate you for reading this article. As a token of our gratitude, we would like to offer you a special $10 discount on your first book with Meminto!Get $10 off your first Meminto book project 📖
❓ Frequently Asked Questions
Facing a condolence book can bring up doubts. Here are a few answers to help guide you with care.
1. Can I write just a sentence in a condolence book?
Absolutely. Even a short note can mean the world to someone grieving. A line like “Thinking of you with love and sympathy” carries quiet strength. It’s not about how much you write – it’s that you cared enough to show up.
2. What if I didn’t know the person who died very well?
That’s okay. You can still write a message to their family. Try something like: “Though I didn’t know your father personally, I know how much he meant to you.” Your support still matters.
3. Is it okay to include humor in a condolence message?
Sometimes, yes – especially if the person who passed had a joyful spirit. A gentle, respectful memory that brings a smile can be deeply comforting. Just make sure it reflects the tone the family would welcome.
4. Should children or teens write in a condolence book?
Yes, if they want to. Children’s messages – simple, honest, heartfelt – often move people deeply. “I will miss Grandma’s hugs” or a small drawing can say more than a grown-up’s perfect paragraph.
5. Can I write in my native language if English doesn’t feel right?
Yes. Grief is universal, and love doesn’t need translation. If your heart finds its voice better in another language, use it. The family will feel the sincerity, no matter the words.
