Can you build intimacy and connection with 36 questions? Psychologist Arthur Aron’s research says yes. These questions are designed to deepen relationships through mutual self-disclosure, whether it’s with a romantic partner, friend, or family member. Here’s what you need to know:
- What They Are: A set of 36 questions divided into 3 levels, each becoming more personal.
- How They Work: They encourage openness, creating feelings of closeness and understanding.
- Who Can Use Them: Anyone – romantic partners, friends, or even strangers.
To make the most of these questions:
- Create a distraction-free space.
- Be open and honest.
- Actively listen and engage.
Want to preserve these moments? Tools like Meminto Stories help turn your conversations into memory books, combining text, photos, and keepsakes into a lasting keepsake.
Ready to try the 36 questions? Dive in and see how they can transform your relationships.
Getting Started with the 36 Questions
Setting Up Your Space
Creating the right environment is crucial for a meaningful conversation. Pick a quiet, cozy spot where interruptions are unlikely. Turn off any digital distractions to ensure your focus remains on the dialogue. Once the space feels inviting, choose a partner who is ready to engage in this experience.
Picking Your Conversation Partner
These 36 questions aren’t just for romantic relationships – they can strengthen bonds with anyone in your life. Whether it’s a friend, family member, or even an acquaintance, choose someone who’s open to honest and thoughtful dialogue. Both participants should be willing to share openly and listen without judgment.
Preparing Mentally
Emotional readiness plays a big role in building a connection. Before starting:
- Be clear about your goals, express yourself honestly, and let go of any rigid expectations.
Research shows that openness to forming a connection can speed up feelings of closeness. This mindset not only enhances the depth of your conversation but also makes the experience more memorable. A clear and open attitude sets the stage for meaningful exchanges.
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Making the Most of Each Question
Question-Asking Tips
Building a meaningful connection goes beyond just asking questions – it’s about creating an environment where honest, open responses feel natural. Relationship psychotherapist Matt Davies explains:
“Psychologically you’re assessing, ‘Do I like this person or not? Do I feel safe with them?’. But, with that out of the way, the questions provide you access to finding out whether you feel comfortable and safe with them.”
Maintain steady eye contact and speak in a calm, encouraging tone. Give your partner time to think about each question. If they seem unsure, share your own answer first – this can make them feel more at ease. This approach naturally leads to deeper, more reflective conversations.
Listening Skills
Active listening is key to taking the conversation to a deeper level. Instead of planning your next response, focus entirely on your partner’s words and emotions. Show that you’re engaged with small gestures like nodding, appropriate facial expressions, or brief acknowledgments. Thoughtful follow-up questions and reflecting on their emotions can also help.
Matt Davies highlights why this connection matters:
“Psychological intimacy is a prerequisite for passion. [The questions] allow people to understand that we’re all human, and that is so connecting. It’s the opposite of alienation, where we might think somebody is better than us or we’re one down or one up. I think that is really important to help with intimacy.”
These listening techniques create the groundwork for turning your conversation into a memorable written record.
Writing From Responses
Here’s how to turn the conversation into a lasting keepsake:
- Take Notes During the Conversation: Jot down key phrases or emotions during natural pauses.
- Reflect Afterwards: Spend 15–20 minutes after the conversation writing down impactful responses, the setting, and emotional highlights.
- Organize Into a Story: Arrange your notes by themes to create a narrative that captures the heart of your connection.
These steps ensure the conversation lives on, not just in memory but also in writing.
Saving Your Stories
How to Record Conversations
Capture meaningful conversations in a way that works best for you. Use audio recordings to preserve the tone and nuances, or jot down notes for immediate reflection.
When documenting these exchanges, consider dedicating a space for your thoughts and reactions. Mandy Len Catron reflects on the power of these moments:
“I wondered what would come of our interaction. If nothing else, I thought it would make a good story. But I see now that the story isn’t about us; it’s about what it means to bother to know someone, which is really a story about what it means to be known.”
Organizing Your Stories
Keeping your recorded memories organized helps ensure they remain easy to access and meaningful. Here are a couple of approaches to consider:
Thematic Organization
- Group by emotional depth or relationship insights.
- Categorize by life stages.
- Highlight key moments of discovery or growth.
Chronological Order
- Record dates for each conversation.
- Track how the relationship evolves over time.
- Note significant milestones or turning points.
Relationship psychotherapist Matt Davies underscores the value of structure:
“When you’re first meeting, if you don’t have a structure, what you’re doing is generating all kinds of superficial chat.”
A clear system not only simplifies your records but also lays the groundwork for a richer, more coherent story.
Turning Conversations Into Stories
Once your conversations are recorded and organized, it’s time to transform them into a narrative. This process celebrates the shared experiences that build connections.
When writing your story:
- Set the Emotional Scene: Capture the feelings, atmosphere, body language, and even the pauses that made the moment special.
- Build a Natural Flow: Arrange the dialogue to show a progression from lighthearted topics to deeper, more meaningful discussions.
- Reflect on the Impact: Share how the conversation changed your perspective on the relationship or yourself.
This approach turns raw dialogue into a narrative that truly resonates.
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36 Questions that lead to love: a Q&A with Arthur Aron
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Making Memory Books
Turn your conversations into a keepsake memory book. Using your organized stories, these tools help transform your chats into something you can hold onto forever.
Using Meminto Stories for Books
Meminto Stories makes it simple to turn recorded conversations into durable hardcover books. Its user-friendly platform helps you organize and preserve your memories effortlessly.
- Basic Book ($99): Includes 100 pages, a premium hardcover, 2 years of writing time, a digital flipbook, and dedicated support.
- Extended Book ($129) and Premium Book ($149) offer additional pages and features for those who want more customization.
You can also bring your story to life by adding visual elements.
Adding Pictures and Memorabilia
Enhance your book with photos and personal touches:
- Photo Integration:
- Add candid shots from your conversations.
- Include images that connect to specific moments or questions.
- Highlight facial expressions or gestures from meaningful moments.
- Personal Touches:
- Scan handwritten notes or journal entries.
- Incorporate ticket stubs, cards, or other keepsakes.
- Add sketches or artwork inspired by your discussions.
Print and Digital Storage Options
Meminto Stories offers multiple ways to preserve your memories:
- Physical Books:
- High-quality hardcover binding designed to last.
- Professionally printed on premium paper.
- Order extra copies to share with family and friends.
- Digital Preservation:
- Access your stories as a digital flipbook for easy sharing.
- View your digital memories on any device, anytime.
With Meminto Stories, you can combine text, photos, and memorabilia into one seamless narrative, ensuring every detail of your journey through the 36 questions is captured for the future.
For an even richer story, invite your conversation partner to add their perspective directly on the platform. This lets you include both sides of your shared experience in the final book.
Conclusion: Next Steps for Your Story
Finishing your journey through the 36 questions is just the start. These meaningful conversations have laid the groundwork for creating something that lasts a lifetime. This process isn’t just about talking – it’s about turning those moments into cherished memories.
With Meminto Stories, you can easily preserve these memories. As Lynn from Auckland shared:
“My recorded answers were transcribed perfectly.”
Whether you record your answers via voice, text, or video, Meminto Stories uses AI-powered transcription to turn them into written narratives, capturing the essence of your conversations.
The final result? A 6×9″ full-color hardcover book that holds your memories. Starting at US$99 for a Basic Book, you’ll get 100 pages of your story, professional printing, and up to two years to complete it. Hannah from Melbourne described it best:
“The most meaningful and personal gift I’ve ever received!”
Start recording your story today and choose a book package to preserve your memories with Meminto Stories.
